I Got To Believe This Will Get Easier, When Really It Shouldn't Be This Hard.

Yesterday anxiety kicked in. Chase woke up with a over loaded diaper of pee. Which got the cast wet. This was my worst night mare,we made it 3 weeks and 4 days with out re-padding or having to blow dry the cast. I was on cloud 9 thinking this journey for chase and us was going to be easy.5 Yesterday hit harder then what I thought it would be just to have the cast get wet. I freaked, once again I felt like a horrible mother. While sitting there blow drying the cast for about a hour I found a sore. First I swore it was infected. What a bad mother I was my son got a infection under his cast and this was all my fault,I take care of him,I feel its my fault he has Progressive Infantile Scoliosis so in the end its my fault he has the cast. I know its not true but in moments I do blame myself a lot just because on my side of the family has scoliosis and I have a bad case of it. So after beating myself up over a accident of urine in the cast that I knew has happened to a lot of kids and they warn you, You will deal with poop up the back of the diaper and over load pee diapers. So after spending some time on the phone with Shiners hospital and sending pictures to them. We agreed it doesn't look infected and looks like a cast rub spot of where it was wet. So its like a diaper rash. It had me on edge all day. Thank god mike was home to re-pad and moleskin(medical tape).

I don't want to miss any lil new Chase does. I love everyday. But I sometimes wish its years from now and my son has a straight spine, and we have this casting in the past.Yes I do know, casting isn't a for sure thing. There is nothing in stone saying this cast will cure this crooked spine. But I pray everyday this gets in to a manageable degree that surgery isn't needed at any point of his life. I can tell you this, if I hear he needs surgery I wont just take one doctors opinion I will drive anywhere or fly anywhere to get the BEST OF THE BEST. And if that means begging Dr Min Metha her self(she is the great doctor to come up with EDF casting) to look at chase's case. I will.

In the end of the day, I can tell you. Seeing my child go threw this is the hardest thing I have ever did. I have had 4 surgeries in my life,battled crohn's disease for 9 years now and not even a year after just about losing my life to crohn's I had my son. This tops it all. I may not feel is physical pain. But my heart hurts for him,I have shed more tears over this imaginable.But if you see my out and about,I'll tell you I'm doing just fine.Because I got to be strong.