I could swear last year was just yesterday! Did I blink to long?

Time is traveling so fast. At times it feels like its moving so slow but when its the end of December and everyone is reflecting on year, So much has happened and it doesn't seem like that long ago. I can still remember things from the beginning of 2012 that feels like it was just last month.I can remember every little detail of days. ( Now my short term memory is just crap,I cant tell you what I had for breakfast yesterday with out having to think for 10mins). And having a good long term memory isn't a good thing either. Some of the stuff I would like to just forget a lot of the details too. I can tell you what day or a week of when everything has happend with Chase.

All I can do is thank god, we are all in good health. Well on the right track with chase's. And that nothing else has really came up with anyone in our family. This will be the year that we can remember that we have a lot of great things in life that we have to fight for. This is the year that the internet and another's mothers blog that led me to believe that we needed to change treatments with chase,and found EDF casting. Scoliosis will always be a big part of my life. I will never stop praising god who put it in my heart to not just sit back and be quite and trust that a M.D at the end of a Doctors name makes him right at his opinion of treatment.

We had some good times in 2012, long summer days swimming,indoor water gun fights, the joy of kids birthdays, racing nights, family get together's, Just to many to name really.I could sit here for hours and type of stories of little memories that will never be forgotten.

Every year is never the same, use to be just about every year since 17,I was either living in a new state, or town. 2010 I fought for my life, and proudly won. 2011 I had my pride and joy a little over a year after my life battle. And now 2012, is the battle of chase's scoliosis. And I hope next year, I can say around this time of year that its just been a smooth year. But in 12 months, something is bond to happen that will change something a out look, a lost, a hard time. Life is never easy, But doesn't make it bad life at all. I am 25( had to correct my self there I first had 24,forgot I aged a year). I have been threw more then the average person my age, and I can't say that I would change anything in my past. It could of changed my path, and I may not of have the life I have now,4 soon to be step children and a son. I would like to think sometimes everything happens for a reason.

Ok enough blabbering I will bore ya guys :)

Here are some recent pictures I have took.

Chase was talking about something, and was really getting in to it with his hands. He is very animated talker.

     

My girls!

John's new happy napper his new pal.

Chase gave up after opening 2 presents and wanted to just play with them.

John and his new farm animal set,I tried to get pictures of everyone and help chase along and pay attach to all of them yelling "look look"

Before Cast(60 degrees),and in Cast xrays(23 degrees)

Look at them ribs, and is spine. That curve looks so tiny and GREAT compared to before.I just hope his number is great once the cast comes off. I am rooting for a 50 or even 45.

Oh small little update too. With the kids being home and chase getting more interaction he is now doing more once again. He will put objects in, he mumbled big bird, and plays peek-a-boo. Walking is still at a stand still in progress. If you don't let him crawl and make him try to walk to some one that is 3 ft away he will take 1-2 independent step. Every time he trys, my heart races and I hold my breath just waiting to be able to yell and cry that he is walking. Don't get me wrong I am proud of them little steps. But it has me worried for him being 17 months old and not walking yet, while physical therapy tells me its nothing to really worry about yet in the back of my mind I'm freaking. I just want the best for my baby. But I think he is like mommy and brobber, little bit nervous to try new things. 

I Got To Believe This Will Get Easier, When Really It Shouldn't Be This Hard.

Yesterday anxiety kicked in. Chase woke up with a over loaded diaper of pee. Which got the cast wet. This was my worst night mare,we made it 3 weeks and 4 days with out re-padding or having to blow dry the cast. I was on cloud 9 thinking this journey for chase and us was going to be easy.5 Yesterday hit harder then what I thought it would be just to have the cast get wet. I freaked, once again I felt like a horrible mother. While sitting there blow drying the cast for about a hour I found a sore. First I swore it was infected. What a bad mother I was my son got a infection under his cast and this was all my fault,I take care of him,I feel its my fault he has Progressive Infantile Scoliosis so in the end its my fault he has the cast. I know its not true but in moments I do blame myself a lot just because on my side of the family has scoliosis and I have a bad case of it. So after beating myself up over a accident of urine in the cast that I knew has happened to a lot of kids and they warn you, You will deal with poop up the back of the diaper and over load pee diapers. So after spending some time on the phone with Shiners hospital and sending pictures to them. We agreed it doesn't look infected and looks like a cast rub spot of where it was wet. So its like a diaper rash. It had me on edge all day. Thank god mike was home to re-pad and moleskin(medical tape).

I don't want to miss any lil new Chase does. I love everyday. But I sometimes wish its years from now and my son has a straight spine, and we have this casting in the past.Yes I do know, casting isn't a for sure thing. There is nothing in stone saying this cast will cure this crooked spine. But I pray everyday this gets in to a manageable degree that surgery isn't needed at any point of his life. I can tell you this, if I hear he needs surgery I wont just take one doctors opinion I will drive anywhere or fly anywhere to get the BEST OF THE BEST. And if that means begging Dr Min Metha her self(she is the great doctor to come up with EDF casting) to look at chase's case. I will.

In the end of the day, I can tell you. Seeing my child go threw this is the hardest thing I have ever did. I have had 4 surgeries in my life,battled crohn's disease for 9 years now and not even a year after just about losing my life to crohn's I had my son. This tops it all. I may not feel is physical pain. But my heart hurts for him,I have shed more tears over this imaginable.But if you see my out and about,I'll tell you I'm doing just fine.Because I got to be strong.    

I Feel My Self Shutting Down

I just wanna lock the door to the bedroom and just breath alone. No phone, No computer nothing but silence. But I think I would go mad. With everything going on with my baby just hear them question something else just minor to what his back is doing to him, just makes me want to scream " What Next?"...Why my son. Can't we just catch a break. I feel bad for feeling like this and kick my self in the butt for it because it could be worse. But it hurt me that my baby boy is going threw so much and not knowing a bit. All he know is he has to wear this cast. That make's it difficult sometimes to move around like he wants to but he finds new ways around it.

I thank god everyday we found out about EDF casting, that if we stuck with what our original orthopedic doctor chase, would be for sure be facing growth rods by the age of 5 or 6 which would be surgery after surgery for them and not to mention the risks and complications they hold.. Don't get me wrong EDF casting isn't a for sure going to save him from any surgery but give better chance's. And maybe a  CURE!

I been reading Crooked Love a book written by a mother that son was CURED by EDF treatments. Went from 63degree curve to a 1degree. I don't think it was the right time for me to be reading this book.I should of waited till all the emotional pain had subsided till reading this what for me is a very emotional well written book. With being 75percent in to the book I cant stop now.

I cant wait till one day when chase is old enough to understand what he went threw, and the hard choices we made. And did everything we could for him to have the best outcome for him all the sleepless nights I had...and all the research I did because I didnt feel like I was doing enough for my baby.

In the end I think this part of my life has changed me so much. Right now I still feel like we are in the dark with this first cast,But I know this is making a stronger mother and person.   

Our Family Needs Their Own TV Show.

While picking up Dar, She commented that our family should have its own show. With everything going on and never a boring moment. My first response to this was"yeah I would call it, Wheres the Prozac?" Because sometimes I question I should be on something. Things get crazy here and I just wanna yell TIME OUT. But the world around us and our bodies just wont take a TIME OUT. I tried that.

I was crazy enough to think going to Springfield to shop would be a great idea Saturday. With 2 more weeks till Christmas, everyone and their mothers thought it would be a great idea too I think. I wanted to once again ask my self am I crazy, I should really be on Prozac. I yelled out the window to the girl honking her horn behind me. Which then I had to explain to Cady and Dalton that traffic makes people crazy and it not right to go off on someone, while I still wanted to stick my head out the window and tell the girl behind if she thinks she can cut in between cars be my guest. Toys r us was crazy like Black Friday crazy just minus the lines. 14 pink elephants that pop out balls and not a one blue! On I was so temped to just get the pink. Chase is young enough he wont remember he had a cool awesome toy that just happened to be pink.  But mikes voice was in my head telling me "its pink,come on really" and making fun of me for getting it. So I got chase a manly toy instead, a toddler tool table.(from grandma and grandpa AZ.)

The Christmas tree is up and all the decorations. Even some presents under the tree. But one thing is missing. SNOW. It just don't feel like the holidays when it was just 60 degrees last weekend.

Chase is becoming one stinking child. The tops of his cast smells from drool. Only a month left in this cast and this momma cant wait to put chase in the bath tub. I wish we could frebeeze  his cast.

All I want for christmas is....My baby walking!

I am a blog lacker, I have been lacking on writing on here all year long. But really nothing to report.I could tell you all about my day like what people do on face book...." Well I woke up and ate breakfast..blah blah blah blah" But I don't want to bore my readers. 

All the kiddos are doing good. And really nothing exciting to shout out. We have a pretty good routine going. And nothing really eventful has happened.I guess that can be a good thing. We have not had a sick kiddo yet this season. I on the other hand has been hit by a chest and head cold which might have sent me in to a small flare up with my crohn's( I NEED remicade). 

Chase has been on a learning spree these passed 2 wks. He will blow kisses, clap, play patty cake(in his own little cute way), wave hi(when he wants too) and he is trying so hard to walk. He will take one or to independent step is you coach him along. Physical Therapy brought in a walker today for him to use to get use to walking with good posture.  He looks such like a little boy and not my baby boy when walking. Its bitter sweet to watch him grow. Because its just to fast and all the little new things his his doing make me so happy!But I keep looking for the pause button. 

And for his cast,we all are doing great with it. Diaper changes aren't that bad any more. And he has not had any accidents where we had to un-pad it and re pad it or blow dry it. He has 5wks and 5 days left in it I think.Then its close cuddles,and squishy hugs and lots of fun in the bath tub for a week. 

Here is a oldie but a goodie.This was 14 months ago. Its kinda hard to remember Chase this tiny. He was around 6-7 pounds then.